


Do you know how it feels to wish for death every day?

by whiffingbooks



Series: These prompts keep pulling me in [19]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst and Feels, F/M, Tumblr Prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-05
Updated: 2021-01-05
Packaged: 2021-03-15 17:42:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,202
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28567905
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whiffingbooks/pseuds/whiffingbooks
Summary: Prompt - Do you know how it feels to wish for death every day?Ginny goes to pick up a drunk Harry ( AU - they didn't date in Hogwarts).
Relationships: Harry Potter/Ginny Weasley
Series: These prompts keep pulling me in [19]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1859185
Comments: 9
Kudos: 22





	Do you know how it feels to wish for death every day?

Ginny opened the door of the pub, wrinkling her nose at the scent of piss and vomit wafting in the air along with alcohol.

“Welcome to the - Hiya, Ginny! What are you doing over here?” Seamus smiled, letting her know he was above heckling his boyfriend’s exes.

After an encounter with Lydia, he was a welcoming sight.

“Visiting. How have you been doing, mate?” She leaned across the grimy bar to hug him, trying to ignore the pathetic condition of the institution. Seamus shot her a knowing smile.

“I know. It’s a fucking mess. Don’t order any food and definitely don’t order from the booth. At best, it’ll be spiked. At worst…”

“Human remains?” She guessed, making him throw his head back and laugh wholeheartedly.

“Lemme get you a drink.” He moved towards the bottles when she stopped him.

“I’m not here to get sloshed, Seamus.” He laughed, “If you’re worried about spiked drinks, I won’t cheat you.”

She shook her head. She was trying to spot the messiest mop in the place, but the pub was too dark and seedy to search through.

No wonder he came here to get properly drunk.

“I’m here to get him home.”

Immediately, Seamus’ good-natured smile faded. He grabbed the piece of cloth from around his shoulders and wiped his hands.

“Ron sent you here, didn’t he?”

She shrugged. “You know what he’s like?” She wondered how long it would take to leave this place. She had an early Portkey she needed to catch.

“Yeah. Ron must have known you two were sweet on each other.” She spluttered, but Seamus ignored her. “He might even open up if you’re here.”

“That was a childhood crush! And when did you find out about his…interest in me?” It was ludicrous; she had a lovely relationship with Harry, but nowhere had she sensed he wanted something more from her.

Seamus scoffed. A tall man appeared beside her and pointed his glass for a refill. Seamus fetched the bottle and continued, “You seem to forget I was pining after Dean. You both broke up and I thought bloody Harry was about to start shitting hearts. At least with the way he was looking at you.”

“Harry? Potter?” The tall man took his refill and asked, his bloodshot eyes brightening at the prospect of gossip.

Seamus rolled his eyes. “Harry the fucker. Get the hell out of here and mind your business.” The man grumbled and went away. Noticing Ginny’s astonished face, Seamus shrugged. “Why do you think I took up this job? I get paid and get to tell everyone off.”

“That’s…exciting. Anyway, you were a blind, hot-blooded guy lusting after Dean so I’ll take your story with a pinch of salt. Where is he?”

“I’ll show you. Today, he is bad. Haven’t seen him like this in ages. Y'know anything?” Seamus led her down the row of booths towards the back of the pub.

“Ron said someone botched up the case and Harry took the heat for it. His superior seems to like needling him for being the Boy Who Lived.” She remembered Ron’s frantic call. She wouldn’t have come if not for her brother’s begging.

“Yeah. Being an Auror and the person who defeats Voldemort must be difficult. Shame Ron didn’t come.” He pointed towards the end and finally, she spots black curls of a man leaning against the grimy wall. “There he is.”

“Ron had to take care of Victoire and Dominique for the night. He’s aiming for the best uncle award.” She clapped Seamus’ arm. “Thanks for the help.”

“Holler if you need anything. I’ll hear.”

She stood in front of the dark mass until he said, “I’m not drunk.”

“No, you’re not.” She sat in the opposite chair and whiffed. “You’re very drunk. Past the happy Harry drunk.”

Harry sat up. In the dim light, she could see a gash on the side of his face that must not have been treated. His glasses were smudgy and his hair was messier than usual. He was still dressed in his Auror robes.

“Harry. …” She wanted to reach out and take his hand in hers. But he seemed unsettled and unfocused.

“Ron,” he grunted, “needs to stop playing Mother Teresa.”

“You think I wouldn’t have come out of my own accord?” She tried to keep her voice light, but his attitude was throwing her off.

“I know you. You don’t pick up drunkards as a sign of goodwill.”

His words piqued her. She was debating whether to leave him and go when he spoke up, his words apologetic and regretful.

“Shit. I dunno why I said it. I don’t mean them, Ginny. I don’t. I’m taking it out on you like a stupid prick. I’m so sorry.” He slumped across her, his face showing he was about to go on a self-pity spiel.

“Tell me what happened, Harry,” she said gently.

He remained quiet for so long that she thought he wasn’t about to say anything. Finally, he asked, “Do you know how it feels to wish for death every day?“

A chill shot through her. She kept her face composed to not show alarm.

"Why do you wish for death?”

“Because I keep getting people killed. I got my parents killed. I got Sirius killed. I got Dumbledore killed. Let’s not forget everyone who died at the Battle. I got -” his breath hitched and he stared at her as his dull green eyes filled with remorse, “- Fred killed.”

“Harry -” She took his limp hand in hers.

“I did. I got your brother killed. You must hate me.”

“I don’t hate you. I don’t blame you either.”

“Why don’t you?”

“Because you didn’t kill them or get them killed. Voldemort did,” she insisted, a bead of sweat breaking against her forehead. “What happened, Harry?”

He grabbed a bottle and tried to take a swig, but Ginny snatched it out of his hands. He grinned.

“You were always fast.”

“Harry,” she prodded. Sighing, he stood up only to lurch forward. She quickly stood up to catch him.

“I - need - to - pay -” Harry panted as he wrapped a hand around her neck and tried to walk. A musky scent invaded her nostrils that helped clear her head and lead them towards the exit.

“Don’t worry. We’ll pay Seamus tomorrow. First, we Apparate to my place.”

“Ugh,” he wrinkled his nose. “Apparate? I’ll hurl all over your floor.”

“Good thing I’m a witch.”

For a moment they kept quiet when Harry said the thing she was fearing the most:

“I killed someone, Ginny.”

She wanted to comfort him, but she could only ask, “How?”

“My junior didn’t wait for back up. The perp killed the hostage and would have killed her too. I stupefied him, but he crashed against the wall and cracked his head before dying.”

“You couldn’t have known,” she whispered.

They headed out into the alley and stopped. Harry shrugged. “It’s still my fault. I am an Auror. I should know better.”

“Harry…”

He clutched his stomach. “I don’t feel so well.”

Pushing aside her worries and dread, she said, “Let’s go.” She turned around and Apparated, resolving to have this conversation at home.

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on [whiffingbooks](https://whiffingbooks.tumblr.com/)


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